you wanna put it in my butt? Im MY butt?

Recently I have run across a lot of material regarding butt sex or as its properly called anal sex. How to do it correctly, if you should do it at all and the horrors of those experiences. I say to each their own. Personally I flinch at the thought of it. I don't think I can be relaxed enough. Here are the core issues I have with booty sex.

1. At some point during the day excrement passed through that "entrance". In fact most people will say part of the preparation process for booty sex is to perform an enema to clear your intestinal track and anus of any future poopie. This ensures the poop will not come out during butt sex and on the member of your unsuspecting partner. You know what. Thanks but not thanks.

2. The sphincter muscle. Enough said. Think about it. If you ever injure your urethra you know you can no longer control your urine. Continuous wear and tear to the sphincter muscle results in spontaneous shit occurrences. You'd feel like those ally diet users who would go jogging only to be trailed by their own shit. Now you're held hostage by your dung all because you wanted to shake things up in the bedroom. Yeah thanks but no thanks.

3. That has got to be painful. I don't want to fathom the pain. I was able to avoid the burning ring of fire that would have engulfed my vagina during child birth but I had to experience the first doodie after and let me say that was no walk in the park. I sweat more in that toilet conference than lance armstrong did on all of his tour de france races. And that was with the aide of stool softeners. Because of this I can not imagine where the pleasure ensues or when it commences. Yes I know about nerve endings, blah blah blah, thanks, but no thanks. I'm good.

4.Penis Envy. My vagina doesn't take kindly to competition. Delilah will actively search out competition and annihilate them all. Do you really think my stealth delilah will take kindly to being ignored by Mr. Buddy so he can have some back door fun. Nope. Delilah comes second to none (Don't believe me? ask Sampson. She taught him didn't she. You can also call up a few of those jump off mentioned in my previous post. Homegirl don' play that) Delilah exists therefore there needs to be no alternatives. Feeling frisky during aunt flo's visit? Too damn bad, we won't be engaging in booty sex. Thanks for the offer but no thanks

In Conclusion, I have a vagina. This is the only ortifice below my waist I will use for sex. Butt Sex is out.