Ms. Anderson If you're Nasty

So I was reading according to malika's story about a sex mishap or miscommunication maybe and it got me thinking of some thangs.

First:
I don't really think size matters: ok who am I fooling. If you have the choice between an aston martin or a pinto most of us would pick the Aston but its not very often you'll be given the opportunity to test drive on the spot so I'll say that size don't really matter as long as the ride is smooth but don't start singing about how you have an aston martin with all the works but I open the garage and you only have a vw bug. Get the fuck outta here. Its embarressing, not to me but as I stated before I will tell my bestest friend all your bidness and trust me we're laughing, not to mention I will most definitely let out a snicker or two and I will find some reason why we won't be doing anything. Yes I am that girl who will tell you I got my period again after having it for the past two weeks. (No I'm not, I'll just tell you the truth... And that's the long and short of it)

Secondly, moans are ok, talking is fine but grunting is a fuck no. You are not tarzan, I am not jane. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. Jump your grunting ass all the way into the closet and come out only when you reach narnia.
and by the way...I have a daddy and you are not it. I will not call you daddy under any circumstances. Would you liek to call me mommy/mama in the midst of it? Didn't think so.


Unless your name is steven tyler or you're in acdc your tongue is not long enough. Do not jab your tongue in and out of the vaginal opening. You can use your finger while orally servicing delilah. That's it. If you pull out the tongue's resume and look at the KSA's you will not see that up there. There's some licking but jabbing it is not. Use your finger or your light sabor but do not tongue jab.

P.S. Do not slip your tongue in the back door. It is spring loaded to the back of my hand and you will get slapped.

I have a son so I know exactly what my nipples are designed for. If your sucking mimics the actions of my son I'm going to do to you what I wish I could have done to him. I'm going to mush you, I'm going to slap you, I'm going to insert my pinky into your mouth, break the death grip seal you have on my nipple and point you to the nearest refridgerator since its obvious your looking for liquid sustenance. I've quit that business and am not trying to get back in it. Thank you.

Oral Sex is a choice not a prerequiste unless i'm on the receiving end. I'm not selfish but odds are you won't make me hit the O so its more like holding collateral.

Just because I say I want to have sex with you doesn't mean you have the green light to just stick it in. On a cold winter day you know you will drive your car but you don't just jump in and pull off. You warm it up first.

Quickies are a wonderful thing when they are planned. It's not cute if you're a one minute man every time. Refer to number one when i say I'm telling my bestest friend and we're going to laugh. Most likely there will be no second time. In that event, i'll just start another blog and label it UN MOMENTO and put your pictures on it.

We've already discusssed butt sex >>>here<<< so I can safely skip this topic