Auf Wiedersehen 2008

I like to think I am a nice person. I go out of my way for others and I am extremely loyal, but there is a nasty streak, I guess that is the taurus in me. Its new years eve and I'm not sitting here thinking of new promises and resolutions to breaks jan. 2. Instead I'm reflecting on my life over the past years. I'm at peace with the place I am in life, I'm not happy about it but I've accepted it as my temporary reality. I'm grateful everyday that I wake up and breathe and that I can hear my son breathing. I do take solace in the little things, but I can't help but think of some of the things I've done to people in the past. I remember in high school I began a "relationship" with a boy who dated one of my friends. I started off trying to get the two back together but somehow we ended up liking each other. We shouldn't have done that but we did. I wasn't truly sorry then because I was selfish and I satisfied my wants. There isn't a great list of things that I regret but sometimes I have my "sliding door" moments, you know the butterfly effect what would have happened if I did one thing differently. What would have happened if my mother told me Duke redid my finaid package and I only had to pay $5000, what if I decided to run for USC, would I be mrs. Bush right now? I don't think too far on the what ifs because all roads lead to kingston not existing and I can't imagine not waking up ans seeing him. There's that old saying that if you want to make God laugh then tell him your plans. God must think I'm a comedian. I've spent many nights asking why me, I've even googled it (that was hilarious). I don't ever look at the next person and want their life (no I just wish I had muze's hair and body-kinda, I want my breastfeeding boobies back and her lyrical prowess is sick. ) but I do wish my life was upgraded tenfold. I have all these grandiose dreams in my head and I've never been one to own patience so I just feel as though I'm living a never ending nightmare.
So rather than make useless promises I resolve to continue to work on me.
Granted there are some goals that I'd like to see accomplished, of course I'm supsertitious so I won't spill the important ones. I'll just say that I intend on sitting on a nude beach in jamaica with my thong bikini, I'd like to feel wanted, maybe loved (big maybe) I'd like to see something truly beautiful, something so striking I am just stuck in place. Ok this is starting to sound like my bucket list. At the end of 2008, I found myself to have grown. There was a point where I said I should never speak to one of my friends again. I found out he was having trouble at work which affected him financially. Part of me wanted to just say effe it, I'd just like to get my things back. Instead I sent him a holiday card with some money (nothing crazy, I'm eying these knee high platform boots at bakers). He appreciated it and was grateful amongst other things and I was a bit shocked at myself but I began 2008 immature and self-centered and while I'm still self-centered I'm a bit more mature and I can only work that I progress on this change for 2009. I already know 2009 will be rocky but I'm ready


So happy news years Everyone. Have a safe a healthy Holiday

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InSaNe In ThE mEmBraNe

It one of those days.
Yes I got enough sleep so its not one of >>>>these<<<< days
but today I am consumed by anger and frustration.



I can not understand how i NYU Medical Center filed a birth certificate with the father information without the Acknowledgement of Paternity being signed or me having been married previous to the birth.
Now i really can't understand how i'm supposed to go to family court and file relinquishment papers when there was never any paternal establishment or acknowledgement. Somebody pinch me. How does this make sense?
seriosuly does 1+1 still equal 2?

If I already exlain that my reports are ready on a fixed date and time why is it that you're going to assign me teh task of finding you so i can get your signature. I've already done my part. Shouldn't you avail yourself? No one is that Freaking Busy. Now you want me to schedule appointments when i've already told you when they'd be available?

when they say consult with your supervisor for scheduling, i'm thinking they are referring to me since i am her supervisor, what makes you think you can schedule my department?

Why would you decide to drop your fat ass girlfriend off in front of the crosswalk when I am trying to cross? YEs this spot seems ideal because everywhere else is covered with ice which is exactly why i was crossing there, not too mention it is clear because it is a crosswalk. Then why do you take offense that I said something to you about your foolish behavior? and do you really think i wasn't going to respond to your girlfriend? ha, when i don't have my son in hand, all bets are off.

When i am at work and my job is to ensure you comply with your deadlines and you choose to call me names, why do you think i will grant you an extension? No your name is now red flagged and your deadlines will remain strict. Yeah its personal but you made it that way. When I violate you, i'm still just doing my job.

Why must you decided to tell the "truth" whenever we meet up. We've been there, done that, lets leave it there, in the past. What if I really wanted to talk to homeboy, how is you "professing your love" helping?

No i really don't want to talk to you. Not today, not yesterday when you asked, not last week. DOn't follow me with your mucking car and keep honking your damn horn. I said no.

No i didn't ask you to kiss me so i'm not certain why you did and when i told on you you shouldn't have threatened to kill me. You're a effing pervert. You shouldn't have climbed in my bed and you deserve everything you get. I hope someone laced your cigarettes with cyanide and you inhaled the posion and died.

You're a liar, a big fat Liar and you used me. All of you did.

You're a dumb ass. If he ran up teh damn phone bill under my name what makes you think he wasn't going to return the favor? oh yeah because he's your son? I guess that's why he turned his room into a brothel and smoke house. You're stupid, pathetic and a weak excuse for a woman. I'd never want my child around you alone.



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Diaper Rashes and Goodas Gals

So I had a wonderful Christmas. Sure it had a few pitfalls, mostly dealing with Mr. Magnificent’s selfish attitude and the fact that he choose to spend hours with Kingston during his visit to New York. I’m quite certain Christmas was merrier for the weed man and some of his notorious females since he decided to grace them with more of his presence than my son. But all in all it was a wonderful weekend. Well I did have to take young Kingston to the hospital because he got a diaper rash which promptly got infected. I had to pay a 50 dollar co-pay and a 20 dollar prescription for anti-fungal cream- yep it’s basically athelete’s foot cream. The fact that made me more upset than anything is that although I suspected it to be athletes foot cream, I didn’t expect them to sell it to me in a box that said “cure for athlete’s foot”. Honestly I think I could have paid less for actual athlete’s foot cream but Kingston’s butt is worth it.


Anyway I won’t get into the actual things that pissed me off about Mr. Magnificent’s visit to New York. Kingston opened all his gifts and he was quite happy and entertained. I took that opportunity to get rid of his old toys.
I hope you guys had a wonderful holiday. So let’s get to business.

This Saturday I ended up at a party. (If you’re ever in New York on a Saturday, I encourage you to visit Colors (417 Lafayette) you won’t be disappointed. I promise.) I was a bit perturbed, disgusted, pissed off at first because when we got there at 11 (yeah it was free till 12 and an open bar –of course I’d get there early. It’s a recession) they weren’t letting anyone in. It was drizzling. Not a good look. There were four girls in front of me. They were the prissy bougie types and not one had a decent pair of boots on. So anyway the one girl –we’ll call her kanya- because she looked like kanye west with a weave- and shorter (she even had his sweater on as a dress) began speaking about something irrelevant but her voice was so damn annoying. She sounded very beckyish. So I’m standing behind them with my sister and the girl behind us is like damn that’s annoying. So they finally begin to start letting people in but they gave a disclaimer. They told us no smoking and yes they will be checking id so if you have any nips in your purse throw them away (lol that my friend was there and she’s a cop) so one of the bougie chicks says excuse me, goes to the trash and throws her medicinal herb away. So much for the champagne chronic nightcap. I laugh hysterically, my sister and friend join in and so do the women behind me in line. (oh yeah, one of the girls who stood behind me in line went to my high school. At one point she and I were elbow to elbow and we obviously saw the other but you know me, I didn’t like her when we left high school so no sense of acting casual right? That brings me to a point about make-up but I’ll talk about that later…you might have to remind me though)
So we get in, hit the open bar and chill to the culture vibes from the D.J. it is not my intention to walk you through the entire night so I’m going to fast forward to the things I really want to talk to you about.

I haven’t been out to a good party in a very long time. Naturally I cut loose. Actually me and my girls did. At some point my girl was on the floor like the chick in the video I posted >>>>>here<<<<<, my sister was on the floor, it took me to the end of the evening to get there but I got there. When my sister went to the bathroom, she caught girls saying how it couldn’t be them. God works in mysterious ways because I opted to not make that trip with her. Had I done that, this would have been a whole nother post. No it wasn’t you on the floor so shut the effe up you wanna be just like me jiggaboo. Fuck outta here. I can’t and won’t understand females who do that. When I talk about a female at a club, it will be about something she’s wearing, her weave or her lack of dancing skills (and by the way, kanya danced the way she spoke. She was just awful and I couldn’t help but laugh. One of her friends looked like the girl in the How to be a player movie.) but I will never talk about a girl who is getting down. We made a lot of people mad, well girls anyway because the men didn’t seem to mind.

The other thing was the men. I thought about how my son would fare in the club scene when he got older. I’m quite certain he’ll be iirie. I never seriously consider taking a dude home for the night or even think about calling any numbers I get from a guy I’ve met in a club. One reason being, while I may freak it in the club, I’m not like that 24/7. We’re not going to bump uglies anytime soon, yeah its false advertisement (kinda) so rather than go through all that I just don’t do those calls. The second reason is that most of these men are weak. The pick up lines are horrendous and their swagger is just limp and no I don’t get off by you rubbing your erect penis on my body.

So one dude walks up to me and says hi. I say hi back. He says I’m single, I got my own car, I don’t live with my parents. Shall I continue? I’m trying to figure out when I went speed dating or if I was somehow on an interview but it was humorous so I allowed him to continue. He says I’ve got a good job, I can buy you things, nice things. I just say congratulations on your accomplishments and move on. What in the hell. He reminded me of Michael from Waiting to Exhale and you know how that ended. No thanks, I ‘ll take the V8.

The next dude grabs my wrist and dances with me. He smelled like black soap and it was very strong so I kept trying to get away from him. He didn’t get the clue and handed me his phone to give him my number. I feel bad for the person who has my last phone number since I forgot the rejection hotline number and I am no longer giving out leslie’s number and equinox jump-off changed her number.

I felt good to still get attention after having my son. It’s like validation b/c there are times when I don’t feel sexy or wanted so yeah this feels good but club men.
I ended up apologizing to bajan again. I won’t get into it but I did and I was wrong. This time I really was in the wrong, no outside opinion needed.

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Merry Christmas everyone

Not that I think you all are checking this on Christmas day (well you shouldn't be) but i decided to schedule a Chrsitmas post for you guys- being that you are all so special I love each and every one of you.

so Merry christmas, hope yuo guys get everything you wanted... I'll post some pics of my little bunny with my new camers i mean xmas gift





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The sex taboo...or is it a compliment?

I intended on discussing Pot Lucks since it was around the holiday season, but since it is christmas eve i'm quite certain I am too late on that post since yuo have probably already attended a couple. I hope you avoided the potato salad.




I was watching The bucket list yesterday and ended up thinking about the heartbreak kid (don't ask me why but i did,) anyway it got me thinking about a topic that no one mentions, seems taboo. It is normal and common, for me at least (sometimes anyway). I've alluded to it >>>here<<<< .

Yes it is flatus vaginalis or as it is more commonly known, the QUEEF.

Wiki defines the queef as:

an emission or expulsion of air from the vagina that may occur during or after sexual intercourse or (less often) during other sexual acts, stretching or exercise. The sound is somewhat comparable to flatulence from the anus but does not involve waste gases and thus often has no specific odor associated.

Now I don't know about queefing during stretching, somehow I think someone just passed gas and played it off but that's another topic and we won't get into that.

But honestly and be honest because this is a messy topic, when you queef or as young joc says "make the pussy bbop" are you not embarressed? I mean it still embaresses me when i do it. Granted both I and my partner know i'm not farting but it's still really difficult to get past and it can most definitely kill the mood. Seriously, imagine you're going at it, and you're getting it from the back and you move to switch positions and you let one rip. Of course its completely involuntary but it is really awkward. Do you just jump on top and continue? I think at the very least it's a good laugh but the sex part is killed.

Now even though its embarressing, can it not still be seen as a compliment? Like the next time you queef you turn to your partner and say with loving eyes, that's all you right there. Good job. That's Delilah's way of giving you a standing ovation. Encore, Encore! The longer the queef the better it was? the louder the queef the better it was?
Ladies how do you deal with this?
Now I know there are a few men that past through here so i want to know, how do you feel about this. Is this a stroke to your ego? are you disgusted?

Wiki goes even further. I remember being in Junior high school when someone told me you can die from Cunninligus or oral sex as it's called to us not latin speaking folks so i prolonged oral sex for as long as possible. I got it, I did not die. It was as Tony the Tiger said GRRREAT, (well as great as a first time can be) but i lived. Apparently there is some truth to the "urban legend"

"Air which is forced into the vagina, especially by blowing in order to cause vaginal flatulence during cunnilingus, can cause an air embolism. This is a potentially life-threatening condition for a woman and also for her child if she is pregnant at the time"

Seriously if you're blowing into the vagina then you need a refresher course, quick fast and in a hurry. Oral sex for women has been called many things, eating out simply becuase you're cleaning the plate, spitshine...well you get the picture but it has never been called a blow job. I thought that was some cruel method of getting children to prolong sexual activity. Nope not at all. Imagine the inexperienced guy who blows his girlfriend to death:
1. he'll never every have sex again.
2. imagine having to tell her parents how she died

on the other hand, it can be beneficial if a man wants to kill his wife and not get caught.

There was an even more gross condition but It was even too gross for me so I decided to not post it but if you're just that curious click here.

Who knew sex was this complex


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Can I get Personal for a minute?

I normally type my posts on the train but my fingers were frozen so not today..

I was up all night wrapping gifts and I got reall nostalgic. I decided to let king believe in Santa so i'm not putting any gifts under the tree until he falls asleep tomorrow. I can't wait until he gets older and he knows when Christmas is.
I know the gift thing is very materialistic but i do know the true meaning of the holiday. It's all about family and sharing it with those people you love.

So here's a snapshot into my life. Visually at least since I tell you about every fart and burp.





Yeah I was still in denial about being pregnant...



Me at the shower



Me at the hosiptal. Yes it hurt. yes I needed oxygen


Me all tired. That was a mess


And look at him. Lik he did some real hard work...



I was going out for Labor day, I missed Juve so why not?


At the hospital, can you tell my milk came down early?


Me feeding my little man. And yes that's breatmilk. want some?


Kingston at his christening


My lil man bringing the 80's back



Big Brown eyes, he's such a cutie patootie



and he loves his fruit

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We're here and we're with child

So this weekend I decided to finish up some shopping. I shopped all day on saturday and sunday I just wanted to relax. I decided to head to the movies. Of course I went to see 7 pounds. When I arrived at the theatre at 915 it was still closed so I went to Burger Heaven to eat. I only mention the name to let you know if you are ever in the NY area and you happen upon this restaurant (they are a chain) I want you to run the other way. No good will come of this.
So we go in, get seated and the waitor takes our order. (I'm still very aware of that racism exists but I still get shocked when black people display these tendacies. Perhaps he felt he would get a better tip from the white eaters, whatever) he comes back with our beverage order and We order our food, it comes back at around 940. I don't know why it took so long to come since we were one of the only people in there and it had the nerve to be really disgusting. I ordered kingston some eggs, homefries and toast. He licked his lips, picked up the fork and dug in, he promptly spit the food out and then scraped his tongue of any further evidence of that disgusting piece of shit they called breakfast. Good laugh for me, I decided to get the check when the delievered the food since the service was lousy. Of course the check came at about 5 to ten. (My movie started at 10). Now throughout the time we're waiting for our food and check, kingston is making noises. He's not crying or whining, he's laughing and making happy noises (in fact one of the other patron who has kids says oh he's making happy noises) well a guy, we'll call him mr. Sourface just kept looking my way each and everytime kingston would yelp or stir. He's reading his paper and he'd look up as though he was saying, I'm trying to read in peace. I want to go off on him because I find him obnoxious, but I woosa instead. I'm telling bajan about it and he sees the guy do it and just says focus. Tha shit is annoying. I'm not in a library, nor in a musuem, hell I'm not even in starbucks. Get over it. So we leave the place incident free (sounds like the caption for bruce banner huh) and then go watch the matinee of 7 pounds> I go to the Matinee b/c there are less people there and it also coincides with King's nap.
So we get the popcorn and My funnel cake and get our seats. King is devouring his popcorn, and the movie starts. King normally passes out during the opening credits but he was still quite active once the movie began. So during the first 15 minutes king would make a stray noise here and there and Mr. Sourpuss 2.0 and his dumb ass wife decided to cut looks at me each and everytime My son uttered a sound. I want to yell at them but I don't because Will Smith is distracting me.

Kingston had a tantrum on teh bus and he screamed the entire ride home. Yes it was annoying. Although I found it a little amusing. What exactly are other people's looks going to do for the situation???
Absolutely nothing. I'm more upset than you are because he is screaming directly in my ear. Would you like me to spank him? Have him scream louder?
What exactly do you want me to do. Kids are tempermental. Yes you just got off a long days of work/school, but guess what. So did I, so the loooks are very very unappreciated.

Do these people not have children, Do they not know children. Stop looking at me Dammit. Yes they make noises, loud noises too at times but that is the least of your problems. He is not a dog and he won't be muzzled. I am a working parent so I'll never make it to the Parents viewing on Tuesdays so get over it. He is too young for me to be taking him to the kids movies b/c i'd have to sit through it while he sleeps.

And no I'm not getting a babysitter.
Get
The
Fuck
Over
IT!!!

Sincerely
A angry black mother



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Your Opinion is Needed

So bajan and I were having a discussion about someone in his family and a family friend. Apparently I am too scorned to see straight so here it goes.
A woman lets say her name is sasha marries ted. Ted has a friend named dayna. Ted invites dayna to live in the house with he and his wife. She has her own room and at one point sasha let dayna use her car. This only stopped when dayna no longer wanted to pick sasha up from the train station. Dayna stays there rent free, she doesn't contribute at all, maybe she buys the groceries she eats but she's pretty much free loading. There was a time when dayna used to walk around the house in one f ted's old soccer jerseys. EDITED TO SAY: Ted has moved to Trinidad with thier daughter and Sasha is back here with the roomate...
I am under the impression or rather I believe ted and dayna were fucking, have fucked or still are fucking. Bajan disagrees. He feels like I can't see the situation properly because I don't know men that would do something like that with no alterior motives.
Now I believe in helping a friend who is down on her luck but hell to the NO to moving the next chick in our house- and she's not even paying her for her room, even at a hotel she'd have to pay.
I'll withold further commentary b/c I don't want to bias your opinions, but really what do you think?

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Long line, Short Fuse

I’m on a line. It’s a Tuesday so you know the lottery line is extra long, everyone is dreaming with their dollar. I am holding my son in my arms and he is getting quite heavy. I’m tired and he is squirming but such is the price you pay for a dream/hope of luxury that comes with winning the jackpot. So the line is inching. There is a woman in front of me and she spies someone she knows leaving the store. She asks the woman if she played the mega, the woman replied no. She said why not, the woman said no its too late, the line is long. Apparently I got distracted b/c when the woman went to pay she asked her $10 mega millions quick pick. I’m thinking that was quick. The Gordita in front of me hands the ticket to the woman she knew and that woman left the store, now she began playing her numbers which is a mixture of the mega millions, the lottery, and the daily numbers. I stepped out of character this once and cursed her the hell out. (at this point I knew I wasn’t going to win the jackpot since God don’t like Ugly and I got color purple ugly up in there) She looked at me and didn’t even respond. So I go what you don’t speaka English, get me a translator. I’ve been standing in this (Explicative) line for (cuss word) hours and you have the nerve to let that (negativity) give you her money and you play for her and yourself essentially skipping me and everyone else in this (blank blank blank) line? No, if I am ever standing near you in line you better not ever do that again. She didn’t reply, just took her numbers and left. I played my number and left. We rode the elevator together.

I’m on a line. I’m in chase bank. The line is moving very slowly. I am 1 away from being next. The teller calls next. The person goes. Apparently the person behind me is a little perturbed that I did not close the “gap” and wants to tell me that I should move up. I turn to her and say, if I close the gap, does that get you to the teller any quicker? Am I not still next? She looked at me and retreated.

I’m not sure what it is about lines that bring out the worst in people. Yeah I’m sure it’s a patience thing but I don’t see people do this over the phone (well I guess you couldn’t… but no one curses out the customer service representative). Standing in line just seems to make one (me anyway) loose all home training and civil obedience. It’s like letting a tiger out of a cage.

The second story was a bit harsh, I want to say that I was having a bad day, but I wasn’t. That was regular me, just pissed off that people do that. Yes I am next, whether I move up closer or not you’re still not going until after I go. Does It make you feel better? Well too damn bad, I’ll move when I’m ready.

The first story is just wrong. I felt bad for doing it while holding my son but really that’s a no no. If you are standing in line you are doing so because you are holding a spot for your service. When you allow someone to get ahead of you or you play for them, you lose your spot. I know that I was behind one person, not two, so not that you’ve paid for that other person, I am rightfully next. I do not take kindly to being skipped.


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Etiquette

I found myself in a quandary this weekend while it wasn't self imposed I still felt its implications and being the sensitive and dramatic creature I can sometimes be I found myself doing something that I RARELY do. I apologized.

So bajan wonder decided I was good enough to grace he and his friends with my presence at a birthday party. Ok that was dramatic. In actuality it was a pity invite. My friend stood me up and I was all dressed up to go nowhere, well I had an outfit planned out.
So we get to his party, again notice his moniker is bajan wonder so the crowd is quite west indian. So we get there, I allow him to spread his wings, mingle, blah blah blah while I nurse my drink and dance alone. I do this for about 20/30 minutes until the dj did the unthinkable, he began to play the golden oldies, I mean marvin gaye let's get it on, some al green, yeah the grab your girl and give her a taste of what she's gonna get when she gets home. So a couple of guys tapped me to dance, I declined, no way I want to let's get it on with these dudes. One bold wanna be suitor actually grabbes my hand and nodded his head as if to tell me I was the luckiest woman in the room for having him bestow upon me the privilege of dancing with a man of his stature. Yeah okay. I looked at him with the fuck off my hand look and went to find my friend. Great I was just in time for him to request my services as a waitress. So I help him bring his drinks back to his crowd. At this point I've already had 2 drinks. So he hands me another. I don't drink much anymore so my tolerance is really very low. (Remember that since it comes into play later on and hell no I wasn't praying to the PGod. )
So he's there with all his friends. At some point I realize one of the women dancing with his friend is his date. I won't comment on this chick...yeah right. She wasn't ugly stick ugly but I wouldn't give her any prizes either. And she looked like a librarian. Yes she had on a plaid skirt a cream top and some cheapo shoes/boots.( If my son were to bring this chick home he'd be quite embarressed as I recounted her to his aunts, god mothers, and anyone else who'd listen) so anyway, she ended up scowling at bajan wonder for trying to get the birthday guy drunk which screwed with my head but I was already beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol so I shut up. Didn't wanna make a bad impression or cause bajan wonder to look likehe gets his friends from the bronx zoo or something. I do have home training. (Sometimes anyway) so at some point I'm given another drink. I'v already had enough and I begin gulping my drink. Or at least that is what I thought since everytime I looked at my glass after my monster gulp it was a fucking prissy ass sip. I manage to finish half and give the rest to bajan wonder. He ends up needing to use the potty so I guess he tells his friend (the one with the librarian) to keep an eye on me. The friend walks up to me and tells me such. So we started dancing (apparently I started dancing with him- I'm quite certain I was already dancing when he walked up and he joined in, either way we're dancing together) I don't remember what song they were playing but It was reggae. Reggae and alcohol =nasty grind for jasmine.
see below


At some point due to lack of space I kicked my leg up, and as you know for every action there is an equal opposite reaction so he grabbed it, we continue to dance, of course the laws of equilibrium or symmetry apply, so up goes my other leg. Now I'm not hoisted all the way up in the air, just near his groin and we're dancing. Then we stop, I go to the bathroom and bajan and I dance until we're ready to go. I go home and sleep. I'm sure the librarian was mad but I bet she gave him some anyway. The next day I speak with bajan wonder and he says they're talking about me, well not me, just the dance really. So I speak with a few people who thought that I was perhaps inappropriate because I came with bajan wonder. Now I didn't think anything of it because we are just friends but other people thought I was just rude. I didn't entirely agree but I acquiesed and I apologized to bajan.


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Ms. Anderson If you're Nasty

So I was reading according to malika's story about a sex mishap or miscommunication maybe and it got me thinking of some thangs.

First:
I don't really think size matters: ok who am I fooling. If you have the choice between an aston martin or a pinto most of us would pick the Aston but its not very often you'll be given the opportunity to test drive on the spot so I'll say that size don't really matter as long as the ride is smooth but don't start singing about how you have an aston martin with all the works but I open the garage and you only have a vw bug. Get the fuck outta here. Its embarressing, not to me but as I stated before I will tell my bestest friend all your bidness and trust me we're laughing, not to mention I will most definitely let out a snicker or two and I will find some reason why we won't be doing anything. Yes I am that girl who will tell you I got my period again after having it for the past two weeks. (No I'm not, I'll just tell you the truth... And that's the long and short of it)

Secondly, moans are ok, talking is fine but grunting is a fuck no. You are not tarzan, I am not jane. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. Jump your grunting ass all the way into the closet and come out only when you reach narnia.
and by the way...I have a daddy and you are not it. I will not call you daddy under any circumstances. Would you liek to call me mommy/mama in the midst of it? Didn't think so.


Unless your name is steven tyler or you're in acdc your tongue is not long enough. Do not jab your tongue in and out of the vaginal opening. You can use your finger while orally servicing delilah. That's it. If you pull out the tongue's resume and look at the KSA's you will not see that up there. There's some licking but jabbing it is not. Use your finger or your light sabor but do not tongue jab.

P.S. Do not slip your tongue in the back door. It is spring loaded to the back of my hand and you will get slapped.

I have a son so I know exactly what my nipples are designed for. If your sucking mimics the actions of my son I'm going to do to you what I wish I could have done to him. I'm going to mush you, I'm going to slap you, I'm going to insert my pinky into your mouth, break the death grip seal you have on my nipple and point you to the nearest refridgerator since its obvious your looking for liquid sustenance. I've quit that business and am not trying to get back in it. Thank you.

Oral Sex is a choice not a prerequiste unless i'm on the receiving end. I'm not selfish but odds are you won't make me hit the O so its more like holding collateral.

Just because I say I want to have sex with you doesn't mean you have the green light to just stick it in. On a cold winter day you know you will drive your car but you don't just jump in and pull off. You warm it up first.

Quickies are a wonderful thing when they are planned. It's not cute if you're a one minute man every time. Refer to number one when i say I'm telling my bestest friend and we're going to laugh. Most likely there will be no second time. In that event, i'll just start another blog and label it UN MOMENTO and put your pictures on it.

We've already discusssed butt sex >>>here<<< so I can safely skip this topic



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Not It

So I got tagged again. I’m on base. I’m not doint anymore of these for a while. 6 months at least.
I am tagging everyone of my followers minus Nellz since she tagged me. And I will be checking back to make sure you guys do this as well.

Here it goes:


16 facts/goals/habits

1.I still watch Who framed Roger Rabbit. I know all the words to the songs, all the words the characters speak, hell you get the point. That’s my jammy jam right there.

2.I love the movie Imitation of Life not the 1921 version- that’s a bit too racist for me but the 1957 version with Lana Turner is a really great movie. I love Annie.

3.My reach school is Stanford Law. Keep your fingers crossed and Pray for me.
4.James Patterson is one of my favorite authors. Along with Sidney Sheldon.
May he rest in peace.

5.Yes I get extremely upset when I download a song from Limewire and it’s corrupt. Mofo you knew it was corrupt, why not delete. Or worse when the song has obvious beeps in it. I think that’s the artist striking back.

6. I crack just about every bone in my body when I wake up

7.I lost my virginity at 16 (1 month away from 17 so I’m not a fast ass) and I’ve been with less than or equal to 6 people. Yes that includes the duds.

8.I love the song No Me Ames. I know all the words and I sing them with passion.

9.Watching Chris Brown's Take you down is my guilty pleasure.

10.When I was in third grade I slammed this boy’s head into the brick wall of Schomburg library. He then proceeded to punch me in the face. I had a slight black eye.
11.I hope to build my own house so that I may have enough room for all my shoes and a kitchen big enough for me to cook in.

12.I write poetry but I will probably never share them

13.I have 2.5 tattoos

14.I am sure Racism still exists, in fact I adamantly believe in white privilege. I was skeptical but now I’m certain

15.I’m pretty sure Kobe Bryant Raped that girl. I believe he did but he was just lucky enough to find the community jump-off. I wonder how her child feels.

16. Did I miss anything What would you like to know?




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I thought I was Safe...?

So I've been tagged again. This time By 1/3

So here it goes. I'm not linking any bogs- too much work i'm passing the torch to these people

LUV
Nellz
Rchelle (you're going to get tagged again. Welcome to the blog world)



B.)Answer the following questions using only one word.


where is your cell phone? left
where is your significant other? nonexistent
your hair color? Brown
your mother? work
your father? work
your favorite thing? playingwithkingston
your dream last night? None
your dream/goal? security
the room you're in? office
your hobby? shopping
your fear? failure
where do you want to be in 6 years? Successful
where were you last night? sleep
what you're not? selfish
one of your wish list items? child support
where you grew up? NYC
the last thing you did? type
what are you wearing? clothes
your tv? off
your pet? none
your computer? HP
your mood? exhausted
missing someone? kingston
your car? train
something you're not wearing? glasses
favorite store? BCF
your summer? can't wait
love someone? YEPPAROO
your favorite color? Blue
when is the last time you laughed? now
last time you cried? dunno
are you a b*tch? Sometimes...
favorite position? sleep
favorite past time? reading
are you a hater or a lover? lover
are you genuine or fake? Genuine
any vices? holding grudges..yeah that seems right
pro life or wire hanger? that's redundant: i'm prochoice
mccain or obama? Obama
pro plastic or natural? like credit card plastic?
dream job? Family court judge





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Gotta Love them

Sometimes the best things in life are free. This couldn't be anymore true. There are two types of people that will give you the best laughs. The first should be obvious since they had a whole show about it. Kids. They are too young to ascribe to society's moral code. They will say just about anything and they get away with it. They will do anything and no one can really blame them because they don't know any better (or so you think). I already referred to the little kid on my sister's train who upon hearing the beep beep beep nosies a man was making as a larger woman was sitting down confirmed with his mother that was the same sound a bus makes as backing up. My cousin once went to my older sister and grabbed her by the love handles and said all this fat and started jiggling it. That was priceless. For me anyway, my sister didn't find it as funny as I.

My son can not talk yet but he serves up some big laughs.
Yesterday I was giving him the fruit chews from my hand. He ate them all. I left my hand out. He then began grabbing the nonexistent fruit chews one by one and gobbling them down, chomping each time. When I noticed that he was eating air I was in stitches. (Yeah it doesn't sound so funny but it was and this is my blog so laugh)
The next thing he does is walk into your butt. He accidently walked into my sister's behind and since she has a little rotoundness back there his head bounced. He liked it so he kept doing it. Hilarious. Weird but hilarious.

The second group of people are old enought to know the code but are so old they just don't care. It is as though their age alone should be reason enough to give them a pass. Yep, I'm talking about senior citizens. I'm sure everyone has a story about an older relative or friend who did something ridiculously funny or soo annoying you can only laugh.
I remember I was talking to the ups guy at my old job. He was bajan, cute, a little short but ok. He came in to drop off packages (yes real packages your pervs) everyday so naturally we spoke-maybe even flirted but who's asking? Anyway I knew he was married, we actually spoke more about our kids, my son and his were about 3 or 4 months apart. One day I ran into him downstairs afterwork and we were talking. I was smiling, he was smiling, I can't recall the nature of the conversation but I promise it was good natured (we saved those other types for email:) ) and as we were speaking an old woman approached him and began talking. It was obvious she was another stop in the building. I said hi when she approached us just being polite and fell back to allow them to talk. At the end of their encounter she begins to walk away but do you know what she says to him as she's leaving? "By the way, how are the wife and kids?" And then she looked at me and went on her way. I could only laugh. I just knew she was calling me all kinds of tramps and floozy's (okay okay I was wearing the whore's uniform that day...and well he could get it, but I wasn't going to give IT to him)and when I walked back to him to continue our conversation we both had good laughs. He went home to his wife and told her about it and she laughed about it as well at least that's what he told me. That type of behavior is typical of older (old) women, it is as though they are charged with eradicating the world of all injustices and they chose to focus on supposed homewreckers, I say start in the closet and rid yourself of moth balls. We have come a long way and I'm certain there are other methods of preventing moths from eating your good sweaters. This lady I once knew had wigs that smelled like moth balls.

But this is hilariousness at its finest. Gotta love the old folks

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Randomousity meets youtube

My sister and I were discussing something quite trivial yesterday.
If a turtle loses its shell, is it naked or homeless?

I read this on my useless knowledge widget or somewhere: if a man says something and there is no woman around to hear it, is it still stupid?

I'm watching a couple right now and it really must be her ass cuz it aint her face... But what do I know, I'm single. I'm sure she's nice.

Classic Madtv


and you gotta love Weird Al Yankovich


Look at this little girl work it


Put you to shame huh?

Look at this boy twork it


and I'm speechless at this one



These next two have disabled the embedding but seriously click the link.
I'm disturbed, I've been known to dirty dance but I damn sho didn't get it from my momma.
Look at fool exhibit A
and fool exhibit B

I'm hoping they are very active parents in the PTA and reading to these girls at night.

This is what I saw on the train this morning. My mother's west indian friends would call it dumpling butt

it actually looked worse in person. You could literally see all the cellulite.


Seriously isn't brandy's cd the best r and b cd that came out this year. (Brothersblog say nothing!)
What's your favorite song?

why do papercuts hurt so much?

what the fuck is funny about hitting your funny bone? The sensation i feel once it is hit is called pain. Nothing humorus about that shit.

If your one of your earphones gives, which would you be ok with?

And for good old times...


speaking of falls



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Common sense, How many of us have it?

Yet another clubster was reported missing after being seen leaving a new york nightclub with an unknown man.

I was conflicted about the whole Imette st. Guillen case when it occured and I am equally conflicted, well less conflicted now. Why on earth are these women. Leaving the club with strange men? I'm watching the news and the guy she left with is at 25 a known sexual predator. Sure she must have thought he looked great in the dark with the strobe lights moving past his face while her body reacted to the many cups of liquoer she drank probably on his dime. Exactly when did it occur to her that it would be a good idea to go home with him for a nightcap? Before or after the tequila?
I feel bad because this woman is probably dead but this was completely avoidable. There were plenty of times that I received a one too many drinks invite for sex only well maybe a diner in the morning nightcap but never would I oblige. Why? Because I want to live. I trust no one. What's worse is the women who go to the clubs with their friends and no one stops that friend from going home. Sure I had a few slutty friends in my day but anytime we'd go to the club our motto was alll for one, one for all. Not even my sluttiest friend (and I can call her that shince she asked to help give mouth to mouth to my ex boyfriend's penis) tried to leave the club alone. We just all looked out for each other. There have been far too many cases of women being killed or raped for women to still think going home with a new guy is a good idea. I've never really been a gambler so I won't understand the thrill of playing against the odds with delilah let alone my life. I'm sure she thought she was safe since she was at the marquis and surrounded by the well to do exclusive crowd but I guess she never heard of andrew luster, the serial rapist who just happened to be the heir to a very lucrative cosmetic company. Rapists and murderers do not discriminate.

I'm not blaming the women in any of these cases but come on. You're pulling decent grades in grad school and you can't pull common sense out your ass for one night? My prayers go out to her family and I'm sure they are cursing this man in their minds but they must also know their daughter did not get kidnapped, she left the club with this man of her own accord to hook up. She made a very stupid mistake which proved to be fatal.

I said this in my women's studies class when we studied the central park jogger case and my argument remains the same. It also baffles me how the media portrays these victims and even worse is the drastic difference in the way the media covers cases where an african american is involved. I guess when a black woman is raped she was somehow responsible, she was licentious, her strut invited unwanted sexual advances and those responisble had no choice (of course this is evident in the sentencing of the rapist, in fact when Ramona Moore's mother went to police to report her missing, the police said she was probably out with her boyfriend) but to succumb to his natural tendacies, but this young white girl who chose to hook up with the wrong man is being portrayed as the sweet southern belle who just wanted to have a little bit of fun.

These women are not the only ones with no commen sense.

Athletes/rappers/celebrities who get jammed up are also guilty of this.
I don't have a 6 figure income yet but I bet you I can find a few lackies who don't mind doing my dirt for some arranged fee or favor. Do you mean to tell me you couldn't find a shyne to compliment your diddy? So you got pissy drunk and couldn't afford a driver/cab/metrocard? This is just unacceptable. Everyone in these predictaments deserve to have every damn book thrown at them. I mean who really knows who plexico is? He could walk up to a group of people and probably only get recognized by 5 of 15 and of those 5 not one will probably want to shoot him. Maybe in the New England Area but definitely not in N.Y. I mean I probably would mistake him for KG if anything. And doesn't this dumb ass know you get frisked at new york clubs, even lil wayne would probably get turned away. I don't want to read about another celebrity who didn't pay his taxes, got a DWI, shot himself or someone else,slapped his child's mother or anything. Find a lackey. People will gladly perform this favor.
P.s. Cash only.

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On The corner of First and Love

Today is a very important day.
A monumental occasion.
Today, december 9th 2008 marks the day my favorite singer Ms. Brandy Norwood releases her 5th album titled Human. I am eagerly awaiting my lunch break to go pick up this cd, nope no limewire for me and I urge you to show your support as well. If you are a brandy fan(atic) like myself you will not be disappointed. I have already heard the entire album less the bonus tracks and I absolutely love what I hear, it has already made its way to my phone where it is in constant rotation. She has reunited with rodney jerkins, the producer behind the uber successful never say never LP. She also worked with him on Full Moon which was yet another gem for her fans but was not as highly celebrated in the public arena. She teamed with Timberland on her fourth album, aphrodisiac which resulted in a sound different than any of her previous albums including her first self titled LP which was a more uptempo pop sound which garnered her crossover appeal and helped polvolt her to international stardom during the 90's.

While I enjoyed aphrodisiac the world did not and her mediocre album sales left a sour taste in the mouths of her record company execs causing her to be axed. 5uring her hiatus from the music industry, brandy has served as a judge on America's got talent, guest hosted on the view and unfortunately was involved in a tragic car accident that claimed a woman's life. Although brandy was cleared of any blame for this tragedy, the woman's family filed a civil suit to which Brandy answered with a counter suit. This suit is still pending.

Brandy used her life experiences to pen and belt out songs reminiscent of her Never say Never Full moon days. Perhaps the most personal and reflective song is the title track "human" which she wrote where she sings the lines:

I cry, you cry,
I hurt you hurt,
I've made mistakes but I can't turn back time,
I'm only human, forgive men
I'm only human, love me
I'm only human save me
Save me from myself
I'm no super woman
Embrace me
I'm fragile and broken
You're just like me
I'm perfectly human
I might just have a life
I'm perfectly human
but I'm an angel in disguise

.


Brandy said reteaming with Rodney was a no brainer that they had undeniable chemistry and they owed it to her fans. This chemistry couldn't be more evident than on the track Piano Man where Brandy addresses Mr. Jerkins and asked him to play a song about love, about heartache and she promises to sing the mess out of the song and have the whole world singing tonight. She does not dissapoint.
Her accapella ballad something's missing is a refreshing melody that showcases her vocal range and maturity. In a time where a lot of artists are relying on gimmicks and the ever popular and oh so annoying autotune, she presents an album prepared with love that the listener can relate and connect to.
Well done Ms. Norwood

I only hope her next videos are better than the last two. In an industry where the video makes or breaks the sales, she's got to come better than this.

Here's some vintage Brandy










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It's the mystery of inequity

Nobody is entirely ready to be a parent. You'll always say I could have more money, more patience even be more mature if I wait but once you become a parent your driving force in life becomes your child. I always said I was too young to have any kids. I'm too selfish but I did know that whenever I had a child I would be very much consumed by motherhood. This is the truth. I do not know where kingston mother ends and jasmine begins. Everything I do is for my son. I bite my tongue on a daily basis to avoid confrontation with my parents.(Click here my sis will tell the story) I work a job (I won't comment about the job itself because at least I still have one) because it pays his bills and gives him health insurance not because its my dream job. I have yet to curse his father and his paternal grandmother out in a manner consistent of the way I was treated during my pregnancy but one gets tired of compromising.
Because I am who I am as a mother I can not understand how so many fathers can take the route they are choosing. I have a couple of acquaintances who are receiving child support checks from their children's father and when they receive those checks they simply laugh, gather the child(ren) and go to Mcdonalds since that is all the support amounts to. Not that it should be the state's job to hold men accountable but I don't understand the logic behind the child support calculations. In new york I believe the percentage that people get is 18.5 percent and it decreases with each subsequent child and can also decrease if the man shows the child support is unduly burdensome. I don't understand how that should be possible or allowable. As it stands 40.5 percent of my income is allocated to day care, 15.2 go towards my rent (only because I still live at home which is quite expensive in other ways) 2 percent towards his diapers, another 15.2 goes towards groceries (and yes king eats like a grown man, don't believe me? "Look for yourself...



And not to mention I still have to send food to the babysitter for kingston)and add 4 percent for kingston's incidentals, you know a silly little thing called clothes. 19 degrees, I'm thinking he needs a nice warm coat. Maybe I'll pick up some toys while I'm at it. So in all I'm using 76.9 percent of my income to feed, clothe, house and entertain my son and you mean to tell me the state will only ask that a man pay 18 percent of this costs? Are we still wondering why women should have the right to choose? Not only are women the sole carriers of our children, the sole bearers of the stretch marks of life but we are primarily responsible for the welfare of our children.
Now I have heard several stories of men who go above and beyond this measly 18 percent and that is great but is it commendable. Hell fucking no. Do you get a pat on the back? Hell fucking no. That is your child. Who else should take care of him/her? That is what you should be doing. Now if the man chooses to care for the well being of the mother then I would say that's commendable since its not an obligation but it should be noted the health of the mother greatly affects the health of the child. Trust me I am not asking for men to take care of their child's mother and I detest women who have children by wealthy and affluent men as their method to moving on up and getting that deluxe apartment in the sky. I believe the father should provide for his child in the same manner he would if the child were living in his home but the mother ought not feel like her uterus won the lottery. I think these women ought to be held accountable for the money they are spending. Fine its no problem if you are taking your child to neiman marcus to shop (I think its quite stupid but if you got it like that so be it) but the moment you buy yourself something with that money you are stealing from your child and should be held accountable. If I use my flexible spending account for anything but medical expenses I am penalized, this should be the same.
I am jealous everyday of families that make it work. I am jealous because I can imagine how much easier it would be to have help and be appreciated for your actions and efforts. I sleep in a twin size bed curled around my sleeping son so often that I experience habitual back pain. (He starts out in his crib but at some point he ends up in my bed. He's so cute when he sleeps so I don't complain...but it hurts) I mean look how long he is


I do not have any first hand knowledge of this since i get absolutely nothing. I'm not complaining. It is what it is.

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Talking Shit

So I'm sure when you read my posts you're secretly hoping that I don't talk about bowel movements or bathroom conferences. Wait wait I am not going to talk about it today either but let me explain my apparent obsession with shit talking. (You missed those discussions? Find them here, here )
So mr. Bajan wonder and I were speaking and like the majority of men he is of the opinion that women should (I'm sorry I'm sitting on the train and the woman who sat down next to me smells like what I imagine an ogre would. But it really surprising, not because she's white but she's well put together. it honestly smells like she ironed a scratch and sniff onion applique on her shirt, pants, gloves and overcoat. My nose is stuffed up since I've still got the suds but that shit right therr. Damn. Anyway back to the story) and do not fart, belch or shit. Apparently mother nature didn't get that memo because we do. In fact... Even Beyonce takes a shit.
Now I don't condone women meeting the guy and upon their first date eating a t bone, washing that dine with pop (lol. I always thought it was funny when people said that) and then belching their ABC's. You probably won't get asked out again. Nor am I saying that it is ok to fart around your significant other in the first couple of months. And when you spend the night, shitting is not an option at first.
What I am saying is that we women do just about everything men do, in fact when I say mother nature didn't get the memo I really mean it. Apparently there is something in our chemistry that makes our worse AT TIMES.
I think there is a point of no return that you hit when you're in a committed relationship (this is not for jump offs what so ever. If you're only there for sex you should not display such behavior. You only job in life to to look, think, have and emit sex. Passing gas does not fit into this equation with the exception of the occupational hazard that is called a queef.)
Only the people in the relationship can set the timelines but at some point the woman is going to fart (don't even get me to start talking about child birth) The first time will be awkward but it is inevitable. I won't talk about shitting and even though I know belching happens I think its quite nasty but it all goes both ways. Men, you don't get to fart or funk up the bathrooms unsuspectingly and your girl is in there trying to look cute getting gas pangs or prarie dogging it. Absolutely not. Let it out

My sister recounts her story >>>>here<<< go ahead. Click on it.
If love is based on being yourself and acceptance than you guys have got to accept these natural occurences as well.
But for all of you who think we don't, I'll keep dispelling that myth.




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My nasty Grind.......

Ok this is classic. This is one of the funniest King of Queen Episodes EVER.

I'm about to get out of here and go Christmas Shopping but check this out for a good laugh


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Will Smile for Food

Ok we all know about the ashley dupree's the I'll fuck for money people. I am not even talking about people in relationships since I know a great deal of compromise begins with a tender stroke between the sheets. No I am not talking about the sex for favors in the relationship. In fact, I'm not even talking about exchanging any sexual favors.
The new prostitute effortlessly uses her sexuality in a teasing manner. It is not obvious.

I am part of this growing trend.
When I was in college I would go to golden crust everyday. I mean everybody knew my name, my order and my major. Yes it was that serious but if you know like I know, golden crust is a bit expensive (both monetarily and calorically) so it does not fit within the college students allocated budget. What did I do? I smiled at the cashier once. He gave me a large curry goat meal and charged me for the small. Jackpot
The next morning I came in for porridge. He gave me a large and rang me up for a dumpling. On those two meals alone I saved $12. This went on for 6 months.
Yes I'm sure we have all done this. We exploited our strenths, unbuttoned that top button, showed some extra leg, smiled just a little longer than necessary.
I don't drive but if I were to ever get pulled over you best believe I'm going to let my girls do the talking.
I've come home from the club at 4 am and began limping home only to be offered a free ride by a cab. (So that was a bit dangerous but in my tequila achy foot ridden haze, I ignored all sensibility and jumped in. Would I do it again? Probably. Dancing in 5 inch stilletos, then proceedin to walk in them is not a good look. I could have paid for the cab but why?)
I have walked into department stores and receieved the employee discount of a complete stranger.
(Although I am completely comfortable with accepting these favors from complete strangers I am eerily wary of accepting these favors from men from which I have any kind of relationship with)
But as you know. All good things must come to an end. My golden crust guy (that should tell you how selfish I am. I don't even know his name but man those rice and peas were delicious) asked for my phone number. I denied his request. The next morning my large porridge was rung up as a large porridge.
I'm not sure I'd ever be that hard up to fuck for goat.
But then again this is a recession

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I stan Corrected

Let me say that it was not my intention for this post to come directly after the arm fuzz post. (i literally just fell out laughing at that pic and decided to post it here)I don't want anyone to think I have some grudge against Beyonce. While I am not a superfan, I do not care enough to do this (<<<

Anyway


I spoke with a friend the other day -he and I speak extensively... I'll call him the bajan wonder( much better than the 4 ft wonder right ?:) ) anyway he suggested that I should listen to solange's album (or maybe I suggested it after READING the lyrics to TONY.) Either way I backed up, got an open mind and went to my favorite store and got her album but since I was there I said what the hell let me get check out her sister. This resulted in two things. (Maybe more since you know my mind wanders...but I'm thinking of two things right now)

1st.
I am not missing anything. I did not sleep on solange. I now know why she is the official afterparty to beyonce's tour. It was a truly awful experience. I even left it alone thinking absence would make the heart grow fonder. No. Not at all. In fact when I came back it was worse. I don't know how that was possible. It was as if I tricked myself into believing it was going to be better than it was. Half the time she sounded as though she were trying to take a doodie (I promise I'm not obsessed with bowel movements) or at the very least she sounded like that little girl in are we there yet. I promptly deleted all traces of her album from my hardrive. (Both mentally and technologically speaking).

2nd. I was duped into watching solange's I decided video. It was this videoo or was it the other video? Ok well one of her songs led me to conclude she and her sister sound alike. I have never been more wrong in my life. They look similar, have some similar mannerisms but they definitely do not sound alike when they sing. So there's that.
Here's my apology mr. Bajan wonder. You don't get these often so you'd better print this one out. For that matter men everywhere should rejoice. A female has apologized.

I listened to beyonce's album.


Now I am no one's stan- that's not true. I mean to say I am not beyonce's biggest fan. I bought Destiney's child last cd, and I bought Crazy in Love. I wasn't too keen on(hated) Bday but I did like resentment, irreplacable (yeah neyo did his thing) upgrade you and get me bodied. I like the leadup to the chorus in freekem dress but that's about it. I heard snippets of her new cd on the web and I was pretty certain this cd would be pretty much bday re-rereleased a la good girls gone bad.
For the most part I was right but there are some songs on the album that I kept.


I absolutely love (gasp) video phone. I think its a sexy song. Kind of reminiscent of soldier but I still like it.
I like ballads so I do like scared of lonely and Hello (yes every girl want to quote renee zellweger in Jerry Maguire, lmao this fat chick had a shirt that said you had me at chocolate. That is sooooo wrong why did they even make that shirt in that size. But there goes my tangent)even though she places extra emphasis on the syllables in hello. It kinda sounds stupid but whatever it works I think. I still like it.
Ego I'm lukewarm about. I love the first couple of seconds and then its goes downhill from there. I'm not sure if settle for you is on this album but I picked it up anyway and I love the song.
New shoes which is irreplacable continued. and the song which i feel should be included in a free willy type of movie: Save the Hero.

I tend to voice my opinion about beyonce on some sites and this often gets me labeled as a hater (again I don't hate but if I was going too... Well u already know but if u don't check this out) and I must say beyonce affects the lives of so many people to such an extent that her fans get carpel tunnel syndrome from their virtual fights. Its crazy. So I have never said beyonce isn't pretty. I just don't think she's the prettiest. I never said she couldn't sing. I think I gave her props before. Ok so I did say she's not the best dancer but fine,She's no rihanna or alicia keys. And lord knows I said she isn't the best actress. In fact she makes meghan good look oscar nominated. but I said it because its true. She can't act at all and I really don't know why there are rumors that she'll play eartha kitt (I'm still not happy she played etta james) or that she's trying to play wonder woman. But after watching some of her interviews I concede that she is a very hard working woman who has earned (except for anything regarding the writing credits...that will always have an asterisks next to it. She's the marion jones of the writing world :(I really did like marion jones) everything she has accompolished and is set to be an icon, to be mentioned in many years amongsts the greats. So that's that.
Although its a little disconcerting that she is singing the same type of material she has sung 5 years ago. Where is the growth? I'd hate to think she'll be 30 plus still getting bodied and tell him to put a ring on it.

The best part of this all is when i was researching which songs are on the album (are you shitting me? An 18 track cd is deluxe? Thank goodness for peer sharing)I went to amazon. The reviews are hilarious Here are a few but check them all out here if yuo're bored

I am definately not the biggest Beyonce fan by far, as I usually like to stray away from mainstream music as often as I can, being such over processed crap as most of it is. But this is Beyonce we're talking about, she has amazing talent, and an amazing vocal range. Which is why I'm so appalled that she had the audacity to release such an album. It's almost like she's saying, "I'm Beyonce, I'm amazing, and people will jump on anything I create, so why even make an attempt."

Bottom line...this album is not worth the money. For someone who puts themselves on the highest pedestal possible, whether its her willing to outshine or overshine every female artist who dare to dominate the #1 spot (even her own group members), Beyonce really took a drink of confidence of splitting a 1 LP album into 2....NICE TRY!!!

Sasha Sleepy was indeed a waste of my time. I don't want to hear an almost 30 year old married woman talking about her swagger being like that of a hustler, the paper in her pocket and somebody putting a ring on it. Come on now! Why does she sound like Mike Jones, who? Mike Jones! Who told her to speak that way?

On the other hand, her little sister made an outstanding album. Beyonce should have begged Produced Jack Splash for a few selections instead of no-names who frankly make nasty music. If you haven't heard either of the Knowles latest albums, PLEASE take my word: You will enjoy Solange's Sol-Angel, you will loathe Sasha Fierce, unless you are a 16 year old girl from Nebraska who wakes and sleeps to MTV.

this one is classic
This CD is the worst CD I heard all yr. Beyonce you should be ashamed of yourself putting out GARBAGE like this. WTF were you thinking. I would like a refund ASAP

I used to like Beyonce. Now I have very negative feelings about her motives with this record and do not feel I could support her again.

I can't find one good thing about it. Sorry. Maybe when I hear it played by people and radio over and over again, I'll have something positive to say about it. Even the cover of both this and the Deluxe version are reminiscent of the Sade cover from the Best of Sade Album.


can't forget the good ones...
I'm shocked that so many people gave negative reviews for this CD. She's changing her style a bit and I love it. It's a great CD - give it a chance.

I gave her 3 stars based on creativity, diversity, and sex appeal. She would have scored higher if she could have found a way to blend all the songs on 1 cd.

Overall: I love every song on each CD. I am not a huge Beyonce fan, so this is not the review of a die-hard fan. I was truly impressed with this CD. Beyonce was very daring to change her sound and style. If you decide to buy this CD...be prepared for a change


Ok i went copy and paste crazy but they were hilarious. I couldn't even post some of the really good ones b/c they were tooo damn long.


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Peek A Boo said the underarm hair or Hairy Hairy, You got so Hairy Baby

So you remember my discussion of the hairy underarms and such...
yeah so i had to post this. I mean I'm not going to say anything well today i can because I shaved last week and I'm still not this bad yet.))because I am a habitual offender but this is an absoulte no no, but everyone falls victim to the underarm creepa so take a look at this underarm taco meat


Peekaboo






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Beat it, Beat it, No one wants to be defeated...

SO I have caught a nasty case of the bubbles... for all you parents an.or spongebob fans you know that means I am sick.


I've been out and I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving weekend. Hope you all managed to shop black Friday incident free.
So lets get to business.....



I always thought corporal punishment had to deal with the death penalty. Imagine my surprise when I found out the spankings/lashesing/paddlings/whippings I had been subjected to as a child we in fact illegal. So of course I took this new found information to my parents and promptly let them know their actions were illegal only to be met with laughs and giggles not to mention the leather belt upon my next infraction.

Now I have met a great many people who have been deeply traumatized by their whippings and I don’t mean the abusive whippings.(****DISCLAIMER!!!-->I am not condoning child abuse or trying to make that trivial because that is not what I call discipline, that parent has anger management issues and was probably the victim of abuse in his/her youth.) I remember I had an aunt that would pluck me in the forehead. This was annoying and it hurt. To this day I’ll likely chomp your finger if it is raised higher than eye level. (Now I know why pitbulls go rabid) So I understand where the trauma builds but I have never been one to say I will spare the rod. In fact I often point out to parents of little brats (you know the ones who kick the back of your seat or your knees and run around wildy) that their child needs an ass whooping. I just knew I would be whooping some tail when I had kids. Then I had Kingston. He was so tiny (not that tiny) and precious and I thought to myself he is just a greatest baby ever. He was off the charts in every way and I would look at him and smirk. I now am a parent. It is with great pleasure that I announce I have the green light to whip his littly hiney. I don’t mean the GP (yeah I know you know what that means) beatings because that’s just wrong but the yeah you did it now face the consequences beatings. It is my civic responsibility, a duty that I do not take lightly for I am charged with molding this child into a great man. I have always said behind a great man was a great mother who whipped that ass and you better believe in 20 years Kingston will be able to recount his stories of whippings. I won’t O.D, no out the shower beatings, no paddles, no broom handles, no extension cords and no hangers but he will get a special leather belt named after him, maybe even a special kind of beating named the Kingston special.

Kingston is 1 years old now and he is experiencing his terrible twos. I’m not entirely certain time out works since he has a very short attention span and probably forgets why he was placed in the time out chair about two seconds later but he knows why he got popped. He walked in the kitchen and turned on the aisle and walked back out. I smelled the gas, went to investigate and saw he turned it on. I bought him back to the scene of the crime, explained to him that it’s HOT and he can not touch the oven and promptly popped him. Yes he cried and I gave him the Time out chair. The next time he went in the kitchen he stood near the oven and said Hot. Well done Kingston. Well done. Lesson learned.
I won’t say I enjoy dishing out the spankings- ok I enjoy it. After all It has come full circle. I got whipped. It’s only right that I return the favor.




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