1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right

So I had a few things drafted but I interrupted my regularly scheduled programming to talk about my time at the gym. Sounds insignificant but here it goes. It ends with a banger I promise.

So in my quest to get it right get it tight I’ve begun hitting the gym during my lunch hour. Keeps me consistent but I learned that while it is advertised as strong enough for a man, Secret is a straight bitch. That heifer done starting gossiping. I’ve since switched to degree.

Yesterday, I walked into the gym past the cardio and saw this girl walking the treadmill….. in UGGS!!!! yeah UGGS.

I got to the locker room and was blindsided by the fail whale. For some reason this trick decides to get dressed in the aisles of the locker room rather than the dressing areas provided. As soon as you enter the dressing room, you can see her in all her dimpled glory. Most times I walk in and she is bent over putting her underwear on. No Modesty. (this led me to a mind discussion---that is to say this conversation took place in my head-- about the rates of breastfeeding in the white and black community. Most white woman just whip out the titay. Black women are a bit more modest- yep I even referred to slavery in my reasoning at some point) She’ll stand there as I walk past to my locker and begin my disrobing frenzy and she’ll start talking to me as though her double dutch titays aren’t are on full display. She’s also really quite disgusting- not just to look at in the nude but she’s a slob. Everyday she gets dressed, she leaves her towel on the bench which is the bench I use. Most days I am able to avoid it. On Monday, as fate would have it and as the world was in full panic mode about the Swine flu outbreaks, that dirty towel and I intersected.

I was particularly aggressive about my workout since I ate nothing but junk food that previous weekend. At the end of my workout, I was physically and mentally spent. I walked into the lockeroom, went to the bathroom, weighed myself and hoped that those were three additional pounds of muscle, not fat, went to my locker, took off my shirt(still had my sports bra on thank you very much) picked up my towel and wiped the sweat off my face. As soon as the towel was at the chin level (wiping from the forehead down) I realized that the neat freak in me had already thrown my towel in the laundry bin and that I was now wiping my face with the whale’s towel. Great Googly Moogly. I began thinking about all the possible outcomes of this tragic mistake but never once did my mind even ponder the little bitch called conjunctivitis which looks like this










Yeah that’s right. PINK EYE not Cum eye as Mr. Socialight so elegantly dubbed my condition. Pink Eye.

look at my poor eye, all inflamed and irritated by GOD knows what the hell was on that towel. (I've thought enough about it...please no suggestions)



On a positive note, I really got to look at my eyes and I must say I’m quite impressed at their beauty. Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad, Thank you God for allowing their intermingling of genes to occur at the very instant they did so that the recessive genes were allowed to express themselves in all thier hazely- green Glory. Whoo hoo Hmm what music was out in 83? Maybe I should thank them too.


I really took my conjunctiva for granted, never really acknowledging the illustriousness of its clear hue until it became inflammed. I have a Scarlett P in my eye. As I was on the train home, this woman was staring into my eye, we made eye contact. I gave her a free pass b/c after all my eye did look like this


but she kept staring so I "kindly" told her It would not jump out my eye into hers.
She stopped staring.